So, you’re in a bar with your boyfriend and you notice him looking at the woman behind you a few too many times.
I know how this feels..
It is so confusing … he’s said he loves you and you feel he’s sincere – but this behavior makes you insecure. It hurts.
So many thoughts are going through your head – but what do you do to make this stop?
You may not want to tell him how much his looks hurt you because you’re afraid that you will seem jealous or pathetic.
Why men look at other woman
For most men, looking at women is a long-conditioned habit. It’s a natural reaction, developed during your man’s teenage years. Seeing an attractive woman rewards the male brain with a good feeling. Most of the time, looking is not even conscious behavior – just a reflex.
This is, of course, not what’s going on when your man is actively flirting with other women! That’s another story … But when he’s just looking …
I am not saying that your feelings are undue
The fact that he is looking at other women may have nothing to do with you – but it can still feel hurtful. It can ruin your whole evening.
You want to feel completely sure of and adored by your man. You want to feel that you are the only one for him. Only then can you relax into the flow of the evening.
So, what can you do about it?
Even if you’re scared of appearing insecure, it is good to talk to him if his roving eye is something that makes a frequent appearance or if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Like I said, your man may not be conscious of his behavior, and, when he knows that he’s causing you distress, he may work on changing his habits.
If he is a good man, he won’t want you to feel uncomfortable in his presence.
So – when it happens again, take a deep breath – identify your feelings and tell him what you’re experiencing.
Say something like this: “sweetheart – I love being here with you – and I feel a little turned off right now – when you are looking past me all the time – I don’t want to feel turned off – What can we do to change that?”
You can also ask him if he has ideas for something you can do to ease your own mind.
A caring man will pitch in to come up with a solution that takes both your needs into account.
If you feel that you get raged or angry while being in this kind of situation – it is possible that your life is trying to tell you something else. Than we have to take a closer look at your feelings and thought in that moment.
Do you feel you want more clarity about any situation in your lovelife – reach out to me!
There are so many fears, assumptions, and thoughts that can make you doubt your relationship – but what is actually going on?
Many women I speak with have been in toxic and difficult relationships and are now determined to attract a nice, loving partner.
They come to me to work on themselves so that they have a better chance of having the relationship they are really craving.
But, when they meet a guy who seems decent and nice, they often get turned off by his sweet and loving behavior.
When women who are used to chasing unavailable or toxic men suddenly find stability, adoration, and love, they are often overwhelmed by the opportunity to more closely examine their own feelings.
They don’t have to feel insecure about his feelings anymore. So, now, they start feeling insecure about their own.
They start thinking:
Do I really want to spend my life with him?
Maybe someone else is more exciting.
He is way too sweet for me.
He is not so good looking – maybe I have to look further.
Do you recognize your own thoughts in that list?
When questions and thoughts like that start running through your mind, you get more and more insecure every day.
You see all kinds of things that you don’t like about him, and, sometimes, you even find it difficult to be nice to him.
Many people have these kinds of doubts about their relationships, and they take them very serious and even act on them a lot of the time – but what if you are sabotaging yourself?
I want you to be honest to yourself.
What is your partner really doing that makes you doubt your relationship?
If your partner is verbally or physically violent, hitting you or cheating on you, I say leave – there is absolutely no reason to stay.
You don’t want anyone to treat you that way!
That is no love. It’s far from love.
That person is acting from a dark place inside, taking out past issues on you in ways that are incredibly toxic!
But what if he is sweet and nice and he takes care of you – but you just don’t feel it?
Then, there is a good chance that you have a fear of intimacy.
It might be difficult to let in the love he gives you and appreciate it.
Emotional stability can feel less interesting than the upheaval you’re used to experiencing.
There may be fears of closeness coming up inside you that you are interpreting as warning signs about a failing relationship.
If this is happening, you’ll want to fight or fly, but I advise you to stay!
Stay with your feelings.
Start by accepting your feelings.
Feel all those feelings coming up.
Accept those feelings.
Stop judging yourself for having the feelings, and stop judging him because of your feelings.
Look at him without judgment and see if you can feel and give appreciation for the things he does for you.
I know this may feel counterintuitive to you.
Taking this approach means doing a 180 from the other option – leaving him – but it is the way to open yourself up and allow more love into your life.
Focus on the positive things he does for you and how they make you feel.
Is he a gentleman? Does he bring you coffee in the morning? Is he taking you out for dinner? To the cinema? Does he call you often? Does he take initiative? Is he asking you what you want?
What is he doing for you? Can you feel appreciation for those things?
So, ladies, try out some non-judgmental appreciation and see what happens.
Let me know what you are struggling with in your relationship – I can help you attract the love that’s there for you!