There are so many fears, assumptions, and thoughts that can make you doubt your relationship – but what is actually going on?
Many women I speak with have been in toxic and difficult relationships and are now determined to attract a nice, loving partner.
They come to me to work on themselves so that they have a better chance of having the relationship they are really craving.
But, when they meet a guy who seems decent and nice, they often get turned off by his sweet and loving behavior.
When women who are used to chasing unavailable or toxic men suddenly find stability, adoration, and love, they are often overwhelmed by the opportunity to more closely examine their own feelings.
They don’t have to feel insecure about his feelings anymore. So, now, they start feeling insecure about their own.
They start thinking:
Do I really want to spend my life with him?
Maybe someone else is more exciting.
He is way too sweet for me.
He is not so good looking – maybe I have to look further.
Do you recognize your own thoughts in that list?
When questions and thoughts like that start running through your mind, you get more and more insecure every day.
You see all kinds of things that you don’t like about him, and, sometimes, you even find it difficult to be nice to him.
Many people have these kinds of doubts about their relationships, and they take them very serious and even act on them a lot of the time – but what if you are sabotaging yourself?
I want you to be honest to yourself.
What is your partner really doing that makes you doubt your relationship?
If your partner is verbally or physically violent, hitting you or cheating on you, I say leave – there is absolutely no reason to stay.
You don’t want anyone to treat you that way!
That is no love. It’s far from love.
That person is acting from a dark place inside, taking out past issues on you in ways that are incredibly toxic!
But what if he is sweet and nice and he takes care of you – but you just don’t feel it?
Then, there is a good chance that you have a fear of intimacy.
It might be difficult to let in the love he gives you and appreciate it.
Emotional stability can feel less interesting than the upheaval you’re used to experiencing.
There may be fears of closeness coming up inside you that you are interpreting as warning signs about a failing relationship.
If this is happening, you’ll want to fight or fly, but I advise you to stay!
Stay with your feelings.
Start by accepting your feelings.
Feel all those feelings coming up.
Accept those feelings.
Stop judging yourself for having the feelings, and stop judging him because of your feelings.
Look at him without judgment and see if you can feel and give appreciation for the things he does for you.
I know this may feel counterintuitive to you.
Taking this approach means doing a 180 from the other option – leaving him – but it is the way to open yourself up and allow more love into your life.
Focus on the positive things he does for you and how they make you feel.
Is he a gentleman? Does he bring you coffee in the morning? Is he taking you out for dinner? To the cinema? Does he call you often? Does he take initiative? Is he asking you what you want?
What is he doing for you? Can you feel appreciation for those things?
So, ladies, try out some non-judgmental appreciation and see what happens.
Let me know what you are struggling with in your relationship – I can help you attract the love that’s there for you!