Do You Have To Love Yourself First Before You Can Love Someone Else?

What does loving yourself mean? Isn’t that self-centered to love yourself first?

Loving yourself first doesn’t mean that you are egotistical or narcissistic, that you are only doing things for yourself and don’t care about others.

In fact, loving yourself first gives you more room to love others.

Loving yourself means making yourself the number one priority (not the only priority) when making life choices.

It means choosing things that are good for you, things that give you energy and help you grow. 

Loving yourself means being kind and nonjudgmental towards yourself, accepting and loving yourself completely. 

It’s possible to love someone else without loving yourself first, but it’s hard. Loving yourself makes it so much easier and more fun when you also share your love with someone else.

Sometimes, we talk to ourselves as if we’re worth nothing. We have these strong beliefs eating us from the inside, telling us we aren’t worthy of love, reminding us that some things we want aren’t for us, encouraging us to be afraid. 

This critical voice is at its strongest when it uses guilt or shame to keep us from being the person we want to be.

What will people think of me?

People might not love me anymore…

Thoughts like these can take over your mind.

There will always be people who judge or reject you in life — but the truth is those people are ruled by fears about how your new habits affect them. They may have to change something in reaction, and that feels scary. Or they may be reminded of their own self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

Someone else’s reaction has everything to do with that person, not with you!

Every organism on this planet is designed to further its own development. 

Choosing yourself first gives you energy and makes you happy. Then, you can offer the best of yourself to those around you. When you are happy and full of energy you can give freely without putting expectations on others. 

When you love yourself totally, all your flaws included, you will attract men who want to support you, love you, and take care of you just the way you are!

And this is not only related to men — you will also attract friends who are a better fit for you.

Did you ever hear the phrase: What you give you’ll get back?

That’s what this is about.

When you aren’t happy and full of energy, you cannot give freely to another person. You will give from a place of lack, and you will consciously or unconsciously need something in return. When you’re in that place, you’ll meet people who want to take from you and give you less in return.

So — if you feel you are meeting people who don’t give you the love and attention that you want — then you know you are not giving yourself enough love and attention.

TLC is the remedy: Tender, Loving Care.

Be more aware of what you tell yourself and believe about yourself. 

Ask yourself what you want from others that you may not be giving yourself? 

Take responsibility for giving that to yourself.

This is the issue at the root of so many relationship problems. 

When you have difficulties with your partner, when you feel disconnected, then taking responsibility and loving yourself is a huge step towards connecting again. 

I know it may be difficult to find out on your own — as I had to do. 

That is why I am here to help if you need more clarity.

Send me an email with your situation, and I will be happy to help you! >>

Do You Ever Feel Confused When You Are Out With Your Man And He Looks At Other Women?

So, you’re in a bar with your boyfriend and you notice him looking at the woman behind you a few too many times.

I know how this feels..

It is so confusing … he’s said he loves you and you feel he’s sincere – but this behavior makes you insecure. It hurts.

So many thoughts are going through your head – but what do you do to make this stop?

You may not want to tell him how much his looks hurt you because you’re afraid that you will seem jealous or pathetic.

Why men look at other woman

For most men, looking at women is a long-conditioned habit. It’s a natural reaction, developed during your man’s teenage years. Seeing an attractive woman rewards the male brain with a good feeling. Most of the time, looking is not even conscious behavior – just a reflex.

This is, of course, not what’s going on when your man is actively flirting with other women! That’s another story … But when he’s just looking …

I am not saying that your feelings are undue

The fact that he is looking at other women may have nothing to do with you – but it can still feel hurtful. It can ruin your whole evening.

You want to feel completely sure of and adored by your man. You want to feel that you are the only one for him. Only then can you relax into the flow of the evening.

So, what can you do about it?

Even if you’re scared of appearing insecure, it is good to talk to him if his roving eye is something that makes a frequent appearance or if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Like I said, your man may not be conscious of his behavior, and, when he knows that he’s causing you distress, he may work on changing his habits.

If he is a good man, he won’t want you to feel uncomfortable in his presence.

So – when it happens again, take a deep breath – identify your feelings and tell him what you’re experiencing.

Say something like this: “sweetheart – I love being here with you – and I feel a little turned off right now – when you are looking past me all the time – I don’t want to feel turned off – What can we do to change that?”

You can also ask him if he has ideas for something you can do to ease your own mind.

A caring man will pitch in to come up with a solution that takes both your needs into account.

If you feel that you get raged or angry while being in this kind of situation – it is possible that your life is trying to tell you something else. Than we have to take a closer look at your feelings and thought in that moment.

Do you feel you want more clarity about any situation in your lovelife – reach out to me!

Are You Doubting Your Relationship And Feeling Unsure Whether You Should Stay Or Leave. This Is Important..

There are so many fears, assumptions, and thoughts that can make you doubt your relationship – but what is actually going on?

Many women I speak with have been in toxic and difficult relationships and are now determined to attract a nice, loving partner.

They come to me to work on themselves so that they have a better chance of having the relationship they are really craving.

But, when they meet a guy who seems decent and nice, they often get turned off by his sweet and loving behavior.

When women who are used to chasing unavailable or toxic men suddenly find stability, adoration, and love, they are often overwhelmed by the opportunity to more closely examine their own feelings.

They don’t have to feel insecure about his feelings anymore. So, now, they start feeling insecure about their own.

They start thinking:

Do I really want to spend my life with him?

Maybe someone else is more exciting.

He is way too sweet for me.

He is not so good looking – maybe I have to look further.

Do you recognize your own thoughts in that list?

When questions and thoughts like that start running through your mind, you get more and more insecure every day.

You see all kinds of things that you don’t like about him, and, sometimes, you even find it difficult to be nice to him.

Many people have these kinds of doubts about their relationships, and they take them very serious and even act on them a lot of the time –  but what if you are sabotaging yourself?

I want you to be honest to yourself.

What is your partner really doing that makes you doubt your relationship?

If your partner is verbally or physically violent, hitting you or cheating on you, I say leave – there is absolutely no reason to stay.

You don’t want anyone to treat you that way! 

That is no love. It’s far from love. 

That person is acting from a dark place inside, taking out past issues on you in ways that are incredibly toxic!

But what if he is sweet and nice and he takes care of you – but you just don’t feel it?

Then, there is a good chance that you have a fear of intimacy. 

It might be difficult to let in the love he gives you and appreciate it.

Emotional stability can feel less interesting than the upheaval you’re used to experiencing.

There may be fears of closeness coming up inside you that you are interpreting as warning signs about a failing relationship.

If this is happening, you’ll want to fight or fly, but I advise you to stay!

Stay with your feelings.

Start by accepting your feelings.

Feel all those feelings coming up.

Accept those feelings. 

Stop judging yourself for having the feelings, and stop judging him because of your feelings.

Look at him without judgment and see if you can feel and give appreciation for the things he does for you.

I know this may feel counterintuitive to you.

Taking this approach means doing a 180 from the other option – leaving him – but it is the way to open yourself up and allow more love into your life.

Focus on the positive things he does for you and how they make you feel.

Is he a gentleman? Does he bring you coffee in the morning? Is he taking you out for dinner? To the cinema? Does he call you often? Does he take initiative? Is he asking you what you want?

What is he doing for you? Can you feel appreciation for those things?

So, ladies, try out some non-judgmental appreciation and see what happens.

Let me know what you are struggling with in your relationship – I can help you attract the love that’s there for you!

Is True Love Just Not Meant For You Or Could You Be Blocking The Love That’s There?

Are you dating all the time but never finding ‘the one’?  Read on..

Many of the single women I meet through my practice say that they feel like a loving relationship is just not meant for them.

They have tried over and over again and still they don’t meet the right guy.  Sometimes, the guy is not invested enough, sometimes he is not thoughtful enough, and, sometimes, he turns out to have another woman.

First of all: you never want to have a relationship with a man who is already taken – and I would never help a woman convince a man to leave his wife.

I don’t support relationships that betray another person.

A high value woman doesn’t want to share a man … A high value woman respects other men’s and women’s commitments – would you want to be the betrayed wife?!

So – cheating is a no go for me!

Back to the question:

Is love not meant for you? Or could it be that you are blocking love in your life?

Let me ask you another question.

A deep one..

I want you to consider this and be really honest with yourself.

Grab a piece of paper so you can write down your answer …

What is the benefit you’re getting from not meeting the right one? What is the benefit you’re getting from not being in a committed relationship?

I want you to do some inquiry on your answer. Is this really a benefit of staying single?

We all make choices based on our needs. We all see through lenses that are based on conscious and subconscious assumptions or biases.

I know you want a loving relationship – not just because you are dating or meeting men – but also because we both know you deserve it!

So write to me – if you are feeling desperate and lonely and you don’t know what to do.

I know exactly how you feel.

If you’re ashamed of the sadness and loneliness you feel, let me help you.

I know your struggle because it was once mine too. And I also know that you can overcome it!

If you’re ready to let me help you – book a 20 min free session with me, and I will help you change your love life for good!